Parenting Tips for Attention Deficit Disorder 

Parenting in general can be tough; parenting a child with Attention Deficit Disorder is even tougher. That’s partly due to some characteristics common to most ADDers: they are naturally inquisitive, impulsive, and prone to taking risks. Here are a few tips to help you meet the parenting challenge:

* Stay vigilant and engaged. Keep a close eye on them, preferably on your feet instead of the sofa. Yelling “What are you doing?” and getting “Nothing” as a reply won’t cut it. You are asking for trouble; get up and go find out what kind.

* Be alert to things in the environment that may be attractive to your child, and address them immediately and repeatedly. For instance, my son is an avid hockey player; when he was younger, all he needed was a frozen puddle to practice his stick-handling and he was happy. So, when we installed an above ground pool in the backyard, I could see right away that this was potential trouble. I told him when we installed it in the spring that there would be no skating on it, and I repeated that reminder when fall and then winter came.

* Think outside the box, because they will. If you don’t understand this one, you will soon enough. (See the example, above).

* Make sure they’re really listening, especially when you tell them something important. Ask them to repeat it back to you. (Our son found out early on that we had a stock set of things we routinely told him. This came to light one day when we asked him to repeat back what we had just told him, and he gave us something totally irrelevant. We learned from this experience; see below.)

* Come up with a set of house rules, applicable to everyone. Post them, and talk about them when you do. Then keep talking about them. Explain the reasoning behind each one. Don’t attempt this all at once, but in little bits and pieces. Keep the list as short and simple as you can, while still trying to cover your bases. You’ve got some of these rules already - things like “no hitting” or “no lying”. Don’t expect to get it perfect the first time; it’s a work in progress. Ask your kids for ideas, and see what kinds of rules there are in their classrooms if you need ideas.

* Remember to be positive, keep your sense of humor, and remember that they have ADD. People with ADD spend an awful lot of time being made to feel as though they just don’t measure up. It doesn’t help that they have a “deficit” and a “disorder”. Try to view as much as you can with an open mind and a positive twist. Pick your battles, and only fight the big ones. My son had a friend whose little brother (ADD) sprayed the kitchen floor with cooking spray so he could skate on it. Messy? Dangerous? Oh yeah. I don’t know how his parents handled it, but at my house, we would have had a good laugh, talked about how it was probably pretty dangerous, and then we would have cleaned it up together. My point is, your child needs to feel like he is perfectly fine just the way he is in his own home. Everyone needs a safe refuge to come home to when the world is beating up on you.

* ADD can be an explanation, but not an excuse. Understand the difference, because they will use it if they think they can get away with it. You can understand when they forget something, because that’s part of having ADD, but you can’t excuse it away. Because they have ADD, and are prone to forgetfulness, they have to work extra hard at not forgetting. You can help them find ways to remember that will keep them on track, but if they do slip up and forget something important, they have to pay the consequences just like everyone else.

* Enjoy parenting your ADD child. They will make your life richer and more interesting.

 

Brenda Nicholson is an Attention Deficit Disorder Coach as well as the mother of 3 children with ADD. Visit her website, ADD Moms, at www.ADDmoms.com, for coaching, education, and support.

Do you have personal quirks such as cracking your knuckles, or picking your teeth at the dinner table?  If so, you may likely find your kids mimicking your behavior.  Parental quirks are sometimes imprinted on kids. They want to be like you; and tend to follow your lead; sometimes to their detriment.  Are you passing on your quirks to your kids? 

At a very early age, kids are influenced by your every word and action.  There is a wonderful commercial on TV which illustrates this point. A father takes a slice of bread and smears peanut butter on it. His daughter comes to sit beside him, and proceeds to do the same. The father then folds the slice of bread. His daughter asks why he does that, and he says, “Because my dad used to eat it this way.” Looking the other way, the father glances over to his daughter who begins to fold the slice of bread just like her dad.

While this is considered benign behavior, there are cases in which your quirks may encompass more severe consequences.  Sometimes, our actions can produce unhealthy results.  Perhaps you are a neat-freak. Your kids may adapt to the same method of cleanliness which can add psychological stress.  For example: if your child drops a glass of milk on the kitchen floor, the anxiety can become too much to handle. The fear of your reaction triggers the angst.

Everyone has a habit or a particular quirk; the trick is to recognize it and modify your behavior.  If you tend to yell at the drop of a hat; your kids will grow up thinking its okay. Remember, not being exposed to any other family’s behavior can make it appear normal.  It is important from the outset, to resist the temptation to expose your kids to anything but civil and proper behavior.  Passing on your quirks to your kids can cause embarrassing and possibly affect their future behavior as adults.

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Are we there yet?  Road trips with kids are definitely one of life’s experiences.  If you’re traveling by road during the holidays with a car full of kids or even one, these tips will help you keep the kids entertained while helping you keep your sanity in the process.

Make Comfort a Priority – Again, making your kids comfortable should be on top of your checklist for road travel.  Take along travel blankets and pillows.  If the weather is hot place a light shade on the windows to avoid the bright sunlight.  If it’s cold out make sure your kids have plenty of layers on and don’t forget their favorite stuffed animal or teddy bear.

Pack Their Favorites – Let each child pack a little back pack with their favorite toys, books or even snacks.  It’s exciting for them to pack their own special bag and it’s nice for them to have their favorite things close at hand.  This also helps you avoid them wanting to bring along their whole room.  The rule is if it fits in their bags they can bring it, if it doesn’t then it has to stay.

Make Plenty of Stops - If you are going to drive for several hours, remember children don’t have the same patience as adults, so make sure you take plenty of rest breaks along the way.  You can stop at rest stations but also playgrounds or parks, where you can all stretch, or alternatively visit a fast food restaurant which has a separate play area for the kids. 

Once you’re finished, grab a few healthy snacks and make sure everyone has gone to the bathroom before leaving. 

Invest in Travel Games – There are a range of classic board games like monopoly in smaller versions specifically for travel.  Cards are also another great travel game and of course handheld electronic games (make sure you have one for each child to avoid arguments) will keep them amused for hours, and may even induce them to sleep.

Apart from games, you can take along art supplies like coloring pencils, coloring books, drawing sheets, crayons, and markers to draw and paint the different scenes along the way.  You can even ask them to write and describe each scenery or make up a story or poem.

Listen to their favorite songs. Get a pack of several CDs and, let each kid take turns playing their favorite songs.  Who knows they may even enjoy singing along.
 

Are you suffering from mom burn out? Do you struggle just to make it through each day? Moms everywhere are breaking down and giving out because they are too chicken to say, “No.”

“No” may be a tiny, two-letter word, but it is definitely your secret weapon. And you can say it. Here are some ways you can say “no” without feeling guilty about it:

Sorry, I’m taking a break.
The number one reason why you should say, “no” occasionally is simply that you deserve a break. You are chef, chauffeur, dish washer, and more. You job never ends on any given day of the week. You deserve a break. If you feel bad for saying “no,” say, “Sorry, I’m taking a break.”

My schedule is full.
We tend to jam-pack our schedule full of activities, leaving time for nothing. Cut back on your kids activities. Start a car pool and share driving responsibilities. Do whatever you can to free up some time in your schedule.

I don’t have time.
You’re headed out the door, rushing to the next appointment when the telephone rings. What do you do? Do you come to a screeching halt and answer the phone? Let’s say you do, and it’s a family member, calling to dump their latest woes on you. Do you stand, tapping your foot impatiently while you roll your eyes and listen to the sob story? This is a typical scene for many moms.

I have another commitment that day.
Say it and mean it.  Regularly schedule in time with your family or time alone and if someone ask for your help during that time look in your planner and tell them you have another commitment. 

Instead of rushing to be everything to everyone, stop. Ask yourself if you truly have time for whatever comes up. If not, say no by walking away, turning off the ringer on the phone, or not answering the knock at your door.

Always remember that you are a mom—not a super hero. When you have to say no, people will understand; if they don’t at first, they will get used to it eventually. 

If you are parenting a teen, you’ll probably have noticed several changes and emotions in your teen you haven’t experienced before.  It’s not unusual for many teens go through bouts of pouting fits, screaming rages and even total isolation from family.

This can be due to hormonal and emotional changes as well as a cry for independence.  It’s important to give your teen a certain amount of privacy during this period.

Here are some reasons why every teen needs their privacy:

1. Privacy builds trust – Giving your teen his privacy can help build trust. It will show your teen that you trust him enough to give him some space. Privacy will allow your teen to prove to you that he can be trusted without your watchful eye over him all the time.

2. Privacy helps your teen make responsible choices – If you are constantly watching every move your teen makes, how can she learn to make responsible choices? Guide her in the right direction, then step back and give her the privacy she requests. Trust her to make wise choices.

3. Privacy builds respect – Giving your teen privacy can help build mutual respect. When your teen sees that you respect her enough to give her some privacy, she will work harder to build that bond of trust with you so that she doesn’t lose that privacy.

4. Privacy allows for mistakes – Nobody is perfect, so don’t expect your teen to be. If you give your teen his privacy and he messes up don’t question his judgement or point out his failure. Help him pick up the pieces of his mistake and move forward. Talk about the mistake, and how other choices may have prevented the mistake from happening. Encourage him to try again.

5. Finally, although your teen does need a certain amount of privacy its worth to point out that it’s also important for your teen to be involved with the rest of the family.  You don’t want to completely let your teen isolate himself from the family, instead try to keep the lines of communication open by inviting your teen out on a special date for some parent and teen bonding time or simply try to catch him at a good time and have a light hearted chat. 

Like all parenting, giving your teen his privacy can be a balance act and it’s important to strike the right balance.

Many teens suffer through the pain of never feeling good enough. They face pressure to fit into a crowd among their peers. Feelings of inadequacy are the norm for teens, as they are many times unsure of themselves.

Use these tips to help build your teen’s confidence:

1. Encourage mental and social growth. Involve your teen in academic clubs and after school activities in which she’s interested. Look at every extracurricular activity as a way for your teen to learn and grow. Nurture your teen’s strengths and help her develop expertise in the areas where she is most knowledgeable.

2. Be aware. Teens rarely like to ask for help, even when they need it most. Pay attention to how your teen reacts or ways they respond. If you think your teen needs help but is too afraid or embarrassed to ask for it, offer it to them without question. Be a concerned parent and trust your intuition.

3. Build trust. One of the worst things a parent can do is to interfere and overreact to any given situation with a teenager. Create an open-door policy. Let your teen know that you are always there for them to talk to about anything. Build a path of trust from you to your teen and from your teen to you.

4. Listen with a closed mouth and open heart. If your teen trusts you enough to talk to you about personal matters, feel honored. Be available to listen to your teen; be cautious not to jump to conclusions. Instead, allow your teen the opportunity to speak from their heart. This not only facilitates open communication, but builds trust between you and your teen as well.

Above all, be understanding and forgiving. Everyone makes mistakes. Keep in mind that teen years are difficult at best. Be slow to pass judgment and blame. Give your teen the chance to talk to you, to explain his position. When your teenager is low in spirits or feeling bad about himself, give him an extra boost of confidence.